Category Archives: Relationships

Dear Hope: My Mom Doesn’t Want Me to Get a Bikini

Dear Hope,Bikini
My mom and I are going shopping for our summer vacation. We go to the same place for our vacation every year and I love going. This year I’m 15 and I want to get a bikini and my mom says absolutely not. That’s it, it’s completely ridiculous. I mean everyone wears them. What is her deal. How can I get her to let me wear one? I can’t even sneak one because we are always together as a family there. It’s not like I’m trying to show off my body I just like the way they look. They are cuter than one a piece. Help me!
– Bathing suit drama

Dear Bathing Suit Drama,
It sounds like you are going to have a lot fun this summer!

My first suggestion is to talk to your mom and find out why she is against it. Listen to what she has to say. She may have valid reasons. Once you understand her side then you can state your case.

Explain how you like the way they look. That the one piece bathing suits, don’t have as many cute options. Reassure her that it is not about showing off your body, it’s about your own style.

Let her know you respect her reasons, but you hope she can also respect yours. Ask her if she would be willing to let you try them on when you go shopping. Then you can both have a look and see if it feels right. If she’s still against it ask about a compromise for this summer. You have always worn a one piece, so maybe this summer you could try a tankini (a compromise).

Expressing who you are is important, but for now, your mom still decides on this topic. If she stays firm in her answer respect that and find other ways to show your style. Get a really cute cover up or a funky hat.

Remember to have a great time this summer no matter what bathing suit you are wearing. Clothes do not determine who you are or how much fun you can have.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: Mother’s Day Gift Ideas

Dear Hope,Mother's day gift
Mother’s Day is coming up and I need an idea that my sister and I can do. Last year we just said happy mother’s day and this year we really want to do something. My mom has really been so supportive of us this year and we love her so much. Can you give us an idea?
– Sisters Jess and Jacqueline

Dear Sisters Jess and Jacqueline,
It’s so sweet that you want to show your mom how much you appreciate her. I think for these occasions the best gifts come from the heart. I’m sure you and your sister will come up with something great, but I will give you some ideas to get you thinking.

Come up with something you can perform for her. It might sound weird, but mom’s love to see their kids in action no matter how old they are.

  • Write her a letter and read it aloud.
  • Sing a song, maybe a duet.
  • Put on a little play about her. It could be really funny.

Set up the timer on your camera to get a picture of the two of you and frame it.

  • Make your own frame – paint it, add glitter or glue on some gems.

Cook for her.

  • Make her a meal, like breakfast or lunch
  • Make her fav dessert

Ask her to go on a walk.

  • On the walk take turns telling her why you appreciate her.

Thank her for all she has done for you.

  • Leave little notes around the house for her to find.
  • Fill a jar with kind words.

I think you get the idea. It’s really about finding a way to show her she is loved and you appreciate her being your mom.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: I Want To Say Yes To A Relationship

Dear Hope,Boyfriend
I’m a 17 year old girl and my life is amazing.. but the best part is that there is this guy who is genuinely interested in me. I really wanna go ahead and say yes to a relationship. I spoke to my mom about it, and she thinks that all this is not for people like us. (My mom is kinda conservative) she thinks I’m wasting my study years in things like relationships.
do you have any advice 4 me??
– Devastated

Dear Devastated,
It’s awesome that your life is amazing! I love hearing that.

As exciting as it is to be at the beginning stages of a relationship, you need mom’s approval. I wouldn’t suggest hiding it because it will only make things worse. Sneaking around and lying is not a good idea. You don’t want the guilt of going behind your mom’s back.

I think you need to talk to your mom again. I know you already tried that but give it another shot.

Before you talk to her, plan what you want to say.
• Acknowledge her concerns. Let her know that you understand where she is coming from and that your study years are important to you, also. I think you should also address her saying “it’s not for people like us”. Put her fears at ease. Let her know you have no plans of running off and doing something crazy. You just want a chance to date this guy.
Explain that in order to grow, you need life experiences. Chances for you to make smart decisions on your own. Tell her you will always value her opinion and thank her for the amazing job she is doing.
• Compromise with her. Come with a plan that works for both of you.
For example: Only going out on weekends and keeping weekdays for studying.
Not staying up all night texting.
She gets to meet him.
Invite him over to hang out so she can see everything is fine.
These things give you a chance to show her you will do your best to make it work.

 

Stay calm even if she gets upset and show her the wonderful person she raised. This is not the time to get angry and say something you could regret.

There is no guarantee she will say yes, but it’s worth a try. If she does say no, you should probably let it go (for now). Give her some time (a few weeks or so) then ask her if you can discuss it again.

Continue to show her that you are ready. Would love to hear how it works out!

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: My Mom Doesn’t Like My Low Cut Shirts

Dear Hope,Low Cut
I am 15 years old and my mom Is pissed because I wear low cut shirts. I don’t think it’s a big deal but she says I am asking for trouble. How am I asking for trouble? What she doesn’t understand is that guys look at me now. Before no one noticed me. Is there anything wrong with wearing my shirts like that.
– Jen

Dear Jen,
Parents usually just want what they think is best for you. I think what your mom is trying to say is that it she worries you will get the wrong kind of attention. Are they noticing you or are they noticing what’s under your shirt?

It can be fun and exciting to have the guys notice you, but for what reasons? If all they are interested in is your cleavage then maybe that’s not the attention you want. They should notice you for you and not just how low your shirt is. You know there is more to a person than how they look or dress. You personality shines through and that will be enough for someone to notice. I know it’s hard when that is not happening right away, but it will. The right guy will notice you. You deserve someone who is interested in YOU, not your cleavage.

Unless your mom says you are not allowed to wear low cut shirts, it’s really your decision. You get to decide what your style is and what you put on your body. It’s not up to me to say if there is anything wrong or right about it. I just ask you to think about your reasons and decide if it’s right for you.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: Getting Asked to Prom

Dear Hope,prom
I’m a senior this year and I want to go to prom. I just started dating someone and I don’t know if he is going to ask me. All these girls keep talking about how their boyfriends asked them in this big dramatic way. I’m not even sure my boyfriend is going to ask. I know it sounds dumb but everyone is saying if he doesn’t ask in a clever way it’s not worth going. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t think even if he asks he will ask that way. He is super sweet and I really want to go with him. What do you think?
– Prom?

Dear Prom?,
Prom should be exciting, not full of stress. Prom is about getting dressed up, dancing with friends and having fun. It’s not realistic to think that every asker should be expected to ask in some big magical way. Not all the askers are that creative or have the money it can take to do this. How you he asks should not determine the amount of fun you could have.

Your boyfriend may not even realize its prom time. Some guys don’t think about that stuff, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t want to go. Talk to him about it and see how he reacts. See if he is interested in going. Or, just straight out ask him to be your date. If he decides he is not into it, don’t stress about it. Go with a group of friends instead. Go to prom and have a blast.

How you’re asked, what you wear, or how you get there is really not the important part.
Dancing, having fun and making memories is what it is all about.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: They Think My Boyfriend Is a Bully

Dear Hope,Mean Boyfriend
I don’t know why I am writing you. I don’t think I have a problem, but my friends do and they said I should ask you. They think my boyfriend is a bully. I don’t agree with them and I love him. Their mad because he says things about people. Like he always calls our one friend fat and the other stupid. He doesn’t mean it and he’s joking, but they don’t like it. I think they shouldn’t worry about it but they do. So I guess what do you think?
– No Problem Here
Dear No Problem Here,

This is an interesting situation. You don’t believe there is a problem, but you want my answer. Okay, here it goes.

First, I think your friends have a right to be upset. Even if he is not saying things to be intentionally hurtful, hearing things like that never feels good. It’s hurtful to have negative things said about you.

Secondly, I don’t think it’s funny. When you talk about other people, it is considered bullying. He might not really be a mean person, but he is acting mean and disrespecting people you care about.

Third, I don’t think it’s nice of you to put up with someone treating your friends like that. They don’t deserve to be around someone who is unkind to them, and neither do you.

I thing you should talk to him. He may not even realize that what he is saying is offensive. Explain that it is hurtful to your friends or to anyone for that matter. See what happens. If he stops, that’s great. If he continues, he may not be as nice as you thought.

It might come down to choosing between him or your “friends”.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: I Miss My Old Best Friend

Dear Hope,Best Friend
I met my best friend through dance. We go to different schools, but I’d see her every week at dance class.
But last year she quit dance an she hasn’t been the same person since. All of a sudden she was obsessed with boys and how she looked. I knew it would be harder to stay friends without seeing her as often but I was determined to try. She wasn’t. I took her on my family vacation, only she spent most of her free time facetiming her other friends (who I didn’t know). I text her whenever I can, but it’s rare when she texts back cause she’s “too busy”. I don’t have a whole lot of friends, as I’m a pretty private person. She, however, is Miss Popularity and makes a big deal about how much more ‘popular’ she is than me.
It was only recently that I realized what she was doing. I don’t know if she realizes it or not. I’ve typed out so many text messages telling her how I feel, but I’ve never sent any of them cause I’m worried that I’ll ruin everything that’s left of our friendship. I really miss my old best friend and I want her back. I’ve tried to get her to dance again but she just gets annoyed. What should I do?
– Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
It can be hard when things change, especially when it’s with your best friend. Unfortunately, situations and people do change. As much as you would like things to go back to the way they were, you cannot make her decisions. What you can do, is decide what is right for you.

It’s time to figure out where this relationship is going and what that means to you. From the way you described her, it doesn’t sound like she is acting like a friend . Her actions seem like she is pulling away from the friendship.

Send one of those texts you have written. Let her know how you feel. Ask her what’s going on. Is she pulling away or is she just going through something? I know you’re afraid of losing her, but you are already losing her. It’s better to find out what’s really happening, so you can start dealing with it.

If she says she is not pulling away, then you can start to mend the relationship if that’s what you want.

  • Let her know that you would like to spend more time together.
  • Explain how her bragging makes you feel.
  • Continue to work on making things better.

True friends respect each other and work out their differences. You both deserve friends that are willing to make the effort.

If she says that she is pulling away, then it’s up to you to decide what to do next. Maybe it’s time to move on . Not every friendship lasts and that’s ok. It takes both people to work at the friendship.
She may not say it in those words, but you will be able to tell.

  •  Maybe she doesn’t respond to your text
  •  Maybe she has an attitude
  •  She might say nothing is wrong, and that you just need to get over it

I hope that you can work this out. Either way you deserve a great friend. If it’s not meant to be her then it will be someone else. Don’t let being a private person keep you from the friendships you deserve. You have amazing qualities and someone would be lucky to have you as a friend.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: I Want to Be Comfortable Around People

Dear Hope,Anxiety
I am beginning to realise that I cannot handle being amongst a lot of people. When I say a lot of people, I mean shopping centres, weddings, restaurants etc. I was never like this before I used to love going out, now though I hate it when someone asks me to join them. I get so anxious, my heart starts beating really fast and I start to shake and other things begin to happen too. I am comfortable talking and being around people in small spaces but it’s just large spaces and lots of people that make me feel uncomfortable. I don’t want to become anti-social, i want to be comfortable around people. What do I do?
– SK

Dear SK,
The anxiety you’re feeling is not uncommon. Many people deal with this. The good news is you are aware of it and want to try to fix it.

Here are some things you can do before going and while you’re out.

Positive Self-Talk – Think about the positive things that will happen and concentrate on those things. The friends you will see. The activities you will be doing.
Use positive self-talk before you go out to give you that “I can do it” attitude.
You can also use this tool while you are out to keep reminding yourself you are doing ok and you will be fine.

Practice – Spend some time in front of your mirror. Sometimes the anxiety can come from not knowing what to say. Practice introducing yourself. It will give you a chance to get comfortable with what you are saying. Also think about what you might say if you need to excuse yourself. It might feel awkward to talk to yourself, but it will help. When you have to talk someone, you will already know what to say and it will come out more easily.

Breathe – This is so important! Take several deep breaths. Inhale through your nose for about 3 to 4 seconds. Hold it for about 2 seconds and then exhale through your mouth for another 3-4 seconds. Breathing in and out slowly will help relax your body. This is something you can do right in the middle of a group and no one will even notice. When your heart starts racing take a few deep breaths.

A friend – Bring a friend with you. When you can, bring someone who you trust and that knows your situation. They can help advert attention from you if you’re feeling overwhelmed or they can help you through a crowd. Sometimes, just knowing you are with someone you trust and enjoy being around can help put you at ease. A good friend can help in many ways.

Know yourself – Know if enough is enough. If you are breathing and talking positive and it’s not helping, take a moment away. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom if you can. Have a few minutes alone to relax and start over. If you decide it is too much, it’s ok to go home. The point is, you want this to work and you are trying. These things take time and there is no rush.

Remember size doesn’t matter – One person or one hundred people, they are all just like you. We are all just people and we all have insecurities and anxieties. Ten people are just five small groups of two.

Take it one-step at a time. It will take time and practice to become more relaxed. If you can, keep increasing the size of the crowd as you get comfortable. Don’t stress yourself out and jump right into something you are not ready for.

Anxiety is different for everyone. For some it goes away easily for others it requires a bit more help. Always do what is right for you. Never be embarrassed or afraid to ask for help. You may want to consider talking to a counselor or a therapist.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.
Dear Hope

Dear Hope: My Friend Won’t Stop Borrowing My Stuff

Dear Hope,borrowing
I have this problem with my friend and I have no idea what to do. She is always borrowing my stuff. At first I didn’t mind, but she never returns anything. I try and say no, but she pushes and makes me feel guilty. I’m tired of it, but I don’t know how to say no. Now she wants to borrow my new stuff. She came over the day after Christmas and was like wow this stuff is cool I will have to borrow it. Yeah my stuff is cool, but it’s mine. I want to say back off, but I can’t. I don’t want her taking my new stuff cuz then I won’t have it any more and I just got it. What can I do?
– It’s Mine

Dear It’s Mine,
It sounds like your friend might be taking advantage of you. She may not be doing it intentionally. She probably really thinks she will return the stuff, but then forgets. Even if she intends to return your stuff, she isn’t actually returning it. You need to stop letting her borrow. I know that’s difficult, but you need to be strong. It’s your stuff. You have every right to say no. It’s ok to say no.

She is not respecting your feelings or your stuff. You need to have a talk with her. Tell her how you feel and explain why you are now saying no. Let her know that you will not let her borrow anything else. Explain that this does not change how you feel about her as a friend. You respect her friendship enough to stop this now.

If she’s a good friend she will understand. If she doesn’t then you need to remember you are still doing the right thing. It’s your stuff. It is your right to keep it. You got a lot of nice gifts for Christmas and you should be able to enjoy them.

If she does ask again, be brave and firm. Stand up for yourself, say no and mean it.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: Full Time Babysitter

Dear Hope,baby sitting
I got a D on my homework and it’s all because of my parents. They keep asking me to babysit my 3 year old brother. They go out to dinner all the time and I’m the one stuck babysitting. I love him, but he is crazy. He gets into everything. When they go out on school nights I can never get my homework done. I have to keep chasing him around. My parents don’t even ask they just announce they are going out. Its so frustrating!! What should I do?
– FullTimeBabysitter

Dear FullTimeBabysitter,

Having to chase your little brother around on school nights does sound crazy. There is no way to stop your parents from expecting you to babysit, but you should talk to them about it. Maybe you can come to a compromise. They know what it’s like to take care of a 3-year-old. Explain that it’s especially hard on school nights. Ask them if they could give you a heads up. A little notice before they need you to babysit. That way you can get some work done ahead of time. Maybe they can limit the amount of school nights. Another idea is you could invite a friend over to help. Take turns doing homework and playing with your brother.

You parents may not even realize how it is affecting you. Take some time to talk to them. They don’t want your grades to slip either. If you sit down and discuss it, you can come up with a plan that works for everyone.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

« Older Entries