Category Archives: Latest Dear Hopes

Dear Hope: Big Announcement Coming Soon

change

Hello again!
Once again, we are not doing a Dear Hope question this week. We are still working hard on those changes.

We felt this quote was so accurate. We have no idea if things will get better with the changes. We worry if we are doing the right things. We wonder if you will like it or not. It’s scary, but we do know one thing for sure. We need to do this.

Usually, when you worry about something or have to make a hard choice, you already know the answer. Your gut tells you what is right. The problem is when you don’t listen. Ignoring that voice will only leave you feeling stuck.

As much as we love this blog (and we love it so much!) we were feeling stuck. We knew it was time to move forward. Forward to new beginnings. It’s as if we need a new coat of paint.

That being said, it does not mean that we are leaving the past behind. We want you to be a part of our journey. We want you there to experience this with us.

11 DAYS UNTIL OUR BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

Dear Hope: It’s Time for Change

Change

Hi everyone!
You may have noticed we haven’t been answering as many Dear Hope questions lately! We promise, we have a good reason!

We are busy making changes.

Lots of changes. It’s scary. It’s overwhelming. But like the quote says, there is no growth without change.

We will definitely keep you updated on what’s happening. We are excited!  Sooo excited!

Thank you for your fantastic support. You, as always, are amazing.

Dear Hope: Summer Job

Dear Hope,teen at summer job
I’m thinking about getting a job this summer. I asked my mom about it and she said I could do what I want. She also said she thinks I won’t like it. She thinks I will regret it because I will want to be lazy and have fun instead of going to work. I think she’s wrong. I’m not really a lazy person, plus both my best friends are not going to be here all summer. One of my friends is going to Europe with her dad and the other is going to art camp. I don’t have any plans so I thought I could get a job and earn some money. What do you think? Should I get a summer job?
– Jen

Dear Jen,
I think it sounds like a great idea. It will give you something to do and focus on during the summer. Especially since your friends will be away. Earning money is a bonus.

You will still have plenty of time to be “lazy” if you want. You can also meet new people at a job. You may even find someone you can hang out with this summer to get in some of that “fun”.

Go for it! Take on that summer job.

Check out these Summer Job Tips and 100 Fun and Lucrative Summer Jobs for Teens

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: How Can I Ease The Pain?

Dear Hope,
I lost my fiancee in January this year. It was a horrible start to the year and I’m not getting better I feel like I’m stuck in the same place I was 2 months ago. I feel sad and upset all the time and I just wish that it never happened. Every time I laugh or feel happy, I can’t help but think that I’m never going to see him again. I just want to be able to get through the day without thinking about morbid things and without getting so upset I want to cry. I was hit by denial in the worst way and I still feel like I’m still denying it sometimes. People are telling me to get help but I know there is no one that can help me but myself. Please tell me how I can ease the pain and get through a day happily.
Thank you.
– SK

Dear SK,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am sorry you had to start your year this way.

It is important for you to understand there is no right or wrong way for you to feel right now. Handling the loss of someone you love is incredibly hard.

Grief has no rules or timeline.
It has only been two months. Two months are not that long. It can take a long time to figure out a new way to live without him being there. It’s different for each person and how you grieve is different for each person. No one can completely understand how you feel. How you heal might look different from how others around you heal.

Grief can be messy and confusing.
Guilt, denial, anger, and happiness are parts of the grieving process. It’s normal to be happy one moment and overwhelmingly sad the next. It can change day-to-day or minute to minute. Don’t feel bad about how you feel. Allow yourself to experience these emotions. You are still learning how to cope with this and how to move forward.

When you’re having a hard moment, take a few deep breaths and try to redirect your thoughts. Think about happy times or treasured memories. If that feels like too much, try to focus on something else. Turn on a new song or flip through a magazine. I’m not trying to make it seem light, but sometimes it can help to distract yourself with something light and easy. Have distractions planned or ready.Find and do things you enjoy like painting, writing, or jogging. These types of activities can help you work through your emotions.

Stress like this can take a big toll on you. Please make sure you are eating and getting good rest. Concentrating on yourself and going about your daily routine can be very calming.

Don’t go through this alone.

I know you said there is no one that can help you but yourself. It’s true that your healing will be up to you. It will take place in your timing. HOWEVER, getting help can simply mean having support. It does not mean someone will fix you. It means you have others who are there for you.
You could join a support group. It can be comforting to share your feelings with people who have also experienced a loss.

I’m glad you reached out. Don’t be ashamed if you decide you do need help. Grief counselors are professionals that know how to help.

I’m so sorry. There are no words I can type that will tell you how to ease the pain. At some point, you will you start to notice that you have more good moments or less sad moments.
Allow yourself the time it takes, however long that is. You are in our thoughts.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: Too Emotional

Dear Hope,emotional
I like to share my feelings and I cry about things. Do you think it’s a problem being too emotional? My friends say that I am. Can you give me a way to control my feelings more when I need to?
– Too Emotional

Dear Too Emotional,
I’m not sure what you mean by “too emotional”. It sounds like you openly share your feelings and that you’re not embarrassed to cry. Those are good traits. I don’t know why so many people are taught to hide their feelings. To keep them neatly tucked away. It makes their feelings pile up, get confusing and come spilling out in some huge explosive way.

Because so many people feel like sharing feelings is not a good idea, they get uncomfortable when someone else shows emotion. Your friends probably don’t know how to react. They don’t know what to say or if they should help you in any way. It can help to let your friends know what you’re feeling and why. For example, you could say, “I am sad right now, but I’m or okay,” or “I could use a friend to talk to or a hug”. Understanding what you need can help them become more comfortable.

There may be moments when it’s not the right time to express your feelings, but never stop yourself from feeling them. Your feelings are a part of who you are. You shouldn’t ignore them or shut them off. In these moments, the best thing to do is breathe. Quiet yourself and take a few deep breaths. If you can, leave the situation for a few minutes. Give yourself time to process, get angry or shed a few tears.

Everyone handles their feelings in their own way. You be you, and don’t be embarrassed about being “emotional”.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Our Favorites March

Well hello there March, so glad you made it.

Yay, March means spring is just around the corner. Thank goodness because I am ready. I love spring weather. Not too cold, not too hot. Yes Goldilocks, it’s just right. just right

This is one of those times when Gabriella and I don’t agree. She loves the cold weather.

I’ll stick with spring thank you very much and it’s perfect for our upcoming trip.

We are hearing wedding bells. Our amazing cousin is getting married this month! She found an awesome guy and we are beyond happy for her. We can’t wait to go to her wedding.

But first I had to decide what to wear. Why is that always the hardest part to figure out? At least for me it is.

So I headed over to laurenconrad.com. She explains all the dress codes and gives a list of dos and don’ts when picking an outfit for a wedding. Thanks for the help Lauren! Ok, the invitation said casual, but it’s still a wedding. I finally found the perfect floral dress. Now I am officially ready to go.

We also get to meet our newest family member. The bride’s sister just had a baby boy. We have a brand new cousin. I feel some baby snuggling time coming on.

Thinking about our trip and our family brings a big smile to my face.
Veronica

Here’s what else makes us smile

Fav Indulge: Brownie Cookie Dough Sandwiches. Um…yes!

 

Veronica’s Fav Sneak Attack:

dog vs cat

Gabriella’s Fav View: I took this on an amazing beach trip. I wish I was there now!

Ocean View

Fav Aww: 

Have an amazzzzing March! What are you smiling about right now?

Dear Hope: I Need To Go To This Concert

Dear Hope,concert road trip
I need your help convincing my mom to let me go to a concert with my friends. When I asked her if I could go, she initially said yes. But when I told her it was three hours away she freaked out and said no. She feels like it’s not safe for four girls to be driving there alone.

When I talked to my friends, they said their moms said no too, but then one of their moms offered to take us. She said she would drive us there and back and be with us the whole time. We really want to go this concert so we decided we would be ok with her going.

So we all bought tickets. My mom had said yes at first so I figured it would be ok. Her only problem was us being alone. When I tried to tell her, she would not listen to me. She said I already said no and that’s that. She’s still mad because we got into a big argument about it the last time. But what do I do now? I want to go sooooo bad and I’ve already bought the ticket. HELP I need to go to this concert. If I don’t get to go I don’t know what I’ll do. I love them so much.
– UpsetFan

Dear UpsetFan,
I don’t think it’s going to be easy to get your mom to turn her no into a yes. Especially since you bought your ticket without her permission. Prepare yourself for the fact that she might not change her mind.

That said, I have two ideas you can try.

One:
Write her a letter. You’ve tried talking and that’s not working. She is not willing to hear you right now Instead, write out what you want to say. Start with a BIG apology. Apologize for the argument you had. Recognize that you were wrong for buying the ticket without her permission. Then explain the situation and really highlight that an adult will be going with you. Don’t forget to add an I love you and a thank you.

After you have written it, leave it someone you know she will see it. Then wait. Give her a few days to read it. Hopefully she will get back to you soon. Don’t pressure her or bug her about it, just wait it out.

Two:
This is somewhat sneaky, but I think it will work. Ask the mom that has offered to go with you if she would be willing to call your mom. They can talk adult to adult. Your friend’s mom can explain that she was also against it at first, until she decided to chaperone. She can let her know that she will be with you the whole time. Your mom will have a harder time saying no to another parent.

I personally like choice one. I think it’s better if you can work things out with your mom yourself. However, if that’s not working choice two is a winner.

Bonus tip: Write the letter and try working it out AND let her talk to your friend’s mom. She will not only see you are making an effort to do the right thing, but she will also get reassurance from another adult.

Good luck and enjoy the concert.

Just a side note: If you don’t get to go it’s not the end of the world. Don’t stay angry at your mom. It’s not worth it. Be calm and show your maturity so she will be more willing to let you go the next time.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: Am I a Bad Girlfriend

Dear Hope,bad-girlfriend
I don’t know what to do about my boyfriend. My friends always see him hanging out with other girls and when I ask him about it he says their just jealous, but I really don’t think they are. My friends have always supported me and been there for me. I believe them when they say they see him with other girls, but I love him. Also when I ask him about it, he says he could get any of those girls anytime so I better be nice to him. I am nice, but maybe I’m not doing enough. I’m worried he will go with one of those girls. What should I do?
– Bad Girlfriend

Dear Bad Girlfriend,
You don’t sound like a bad girlfriend to me. He sounds like a bad boyfriend.

There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend talking to other girls. If he is attempting to date them, that’s a problem.

You have always trusted your friends. If what they are telling you it doesn’t’ feel right, you should probably listen. Also, listen to your gut. You know things don’t feel right.

It sounds like he does not respect you. I think you need to take some time to figure out what is best for YOU. Is a boyfriend that says he can replace you easily the right guy for you? I think not.

I know it’s hard to walk away. It’s understandable you love him. But it’s time to love yourself just as much. Lean on your friends. It sounds like they want what is best for you. They will support you and help you move on.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: My Grandmother Is Sick

Dear Hope,grandmother
My family is a little different from the average I guess. We spend a lot of time together. I don’t mean just my immediate family, but I see my aunts/uncles and cousins at least once a week. I love how close we all are. Ever since I was a baby the “home base” for my family has been my grandmother’s house. She’s what holds it all together. (Just as a side note my grandfather died before I was born.)

Anyway, last summer my grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Of course I was really sad but it helped a lot with the fact that she still seemed normal, well as normal as an 87 year old woman can be. I tried not to think about it and it worked. But over the last two weeks things seemed to have taken a down hill slide. Now it all seems so real. She’s not at all the same person she was a year ago and I can tell the end is coming soon. (I think she can too) But the thing is I don’t know when the end is and that terrifies me. It could be tomorrow or in a month or two months.

At first I thought it would be good to know ahead of time but now I really wish I didn’t. The other day I overheard some of my family quietly talking about funeral plans. (Not around my grandmother of course.) I’m so scared that after this the whole family will fall apart as my grandmother has always been the rock. I’ve spent every single holiday at my grandmother’s. This is going to be a really hard blow for the whole family and I don’t think I’ll be able to stand to see them so sad, especially my mom.

I’ve been fortunate enough to never have to cope with the death of a close family member before and I guess I don’t know how. I don’t want people to hug me and say they’re sorry for me and I hate crying in front of other people but I doubt I’ll be able to hold it together. I haven’t talked to anyone about this before as I don’t want to upset any of my family or burden any of my friends. Mom says I’ve been really good about everything but I guess that’s cause I’m keeping everything bottled up inside. If you have any advice on how to cope with everything, I would really appreciate it.
– Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous,

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. There are no words I can say to make this better, but I will try my best to give you some ideas on how to cope with everything.

When you’re with your grandmother, focus on the present. Don’t concentrate on what will happen, think about the fact that she is still with you now. Remind yourself that you still have this time with her. It is great that your family spends so much time together. Surrounding her with love and letting her know you appreciate her is what she needs now.

 

Try journaling when you are thinking about it or start to feel sad. Get it out of your head. Writing about your feelings can help you process what’s going.

 

Losing a loved one is never easy for anyone. Everyone deals with it in their own way. Don’t worry about holding it together. When someone dies, people grieve and grieving is a different experience for each person. Some people cry uncontrollably, some never shed a tear and others may even laugh. Some will become quiet, while others can’t stop talking. Our emotions don’t always work the way we would like them to. They can also change minute to minute or day to day. One day you could be crying and the next day laughing. Emotions are okay and healthy. There is no right or wrong way to deal with the loss of a loved one.

 

Some people will hug you and say they’re sorry. That’s their way of saying they feel for you. When my grandmother died, I was young and so many people hugged me. Most of them I had never met before. It was awkward and uncomfortable for me, but I later realized they didn’t know what else to do. It was a way for them to express that they were sorry for my loss. The easiest thing to do is just to say thank you and move on.

 

Don’t be afraid to talk to your parents and family. Even when it’s hard. I know that it will be difficult to see your mom sad, but she needs love and support too. Remember they are probably having similar feelings and want to talk about it also. It’s a time to support each other. Don’t forget you are a close family; don’t let that go.

 

Make sure that you are taking care of yourself through all of this. A healthy you is a happy you. Being tired and run-down can make you feel worse. Eat, exercise (yoga, taking a walk), and rest. Actually, yoga can be a great way to get rid of stress and it can help you sleep better. Be honest with your feelings and your family. When you need a break or some alone time, take it.

 

If you need support, don’t be afraid to get it. Peer support groups can be a great way to help you heal. You can share your feelings with other teens that have also experienced a loss.

 

I’m so sorry. Going through this with someone you love is difficult and painful. I know you are a strong and caring person, but don’t be afraid take time for yourself and feel what you are feeling.

I will be thinking about you and your family.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: Should I Become a Beauty Vlogger

Dear Hope,beauty vlogger
I’ve been thinking about becoming a beauty vlogger. I love fashion. I enjoy taking pictures of my outfits. I’m always sharing my fashion tips with my friends. I read every fashion magazine I can. Seriously I love love love everything about it. My two best friends are always encouraging me to start a YouTube channel. So I’m thinking about it. The problem is I know there are so many already. I don’t want to sound selfish and I don’t expect to be famous, but I do want people to watch them. And what if I get a ton of mean comments? I don’t know. I think it would be fun to do it, but do you think it’s worth it?
– Vlogger

Dear Vlogger,
I think becoming a beauty vlogger sounds like an awesome idea. If you’re passionate about it, go for it.

I’m not going to lie, there are many YouTubers out there, but I think there is room for everyone. Each person can bring his or her own uniqueness to it.

When you first start, be patient with yourself and the process. Don’t worry about the numbers of likes and subscribers. Just be yourself. Show everyone you believe and care about the content you’re putting out there. Plus, if fashion is something you love, making time for your passion is always worth it!

Although most people will be supportive with their comments, there are some haters out there. Here’s what fellow beauty vlogger Ingrid Nilsen has to say. “Sometimes those mean things sting. I’m not going to tell you to ignore it, because that’s not what I do. I allow myself to feel those bad emotions, but then I get through it- getting through something is much more powerful than ignoring it.” I think Ingrid says it best. Work through those negative comments, but never let them stop you from being you.

Have fun and good luck with your channel. Let us know when you post your first video.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

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