Monthly Archives: November 2016

Dear Hope: What Should I Say To My Boyfriend About His Secret

Dear Hope,boyfriend secret
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months. We haven’t had sex yet and we just said I love you to each other. We are both 17, we never argue and we get along great. Everything is perfect except he just told me he was sexually abused when he was younger. He said his parents were very supportive and they took him to counseling. He said he was ok now, but he wanted me to know. I acted like everything was fine, but it freaked me out a little. I feel horrible that it happened. It does not change how I feel about him, but why did he wait so long to tell me and will he be ok having sex? I really didn’t say anything when he told me. What should I say, I don’t want to upset him.
– S.

Dear S.,
Sexual abuse is not an easy topic to discuss. It took a lot of courage for him to share something that personal. I don’t think he waited too long at all. He waited until he was ready and felt secure enough within the relationship. He trusts you and knows how much you care for him.

Your reaction was perfectly normal. Hearing something like this can bring up all sorts of thoughts and emotions. It’s ok to take time to process. When you are ready, reassure him that it does not change the way you feel. It was something that he had no control over and it does not change who he is. Be supportive and give him opportunities to discuss if he wants or needs to.

You also asked if he will be ok having sex. I don’t know the answer to that, but he does. Have a conversation about sex. Then you can see how he feels because only he knows what is right for him. Make sure you’re both comfortable with anything that happens. Anytime you’re taking a relationship to another level there should be a conversation. If it’s too uncomfortable to talk about that’s a sign to wait.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

One in 9 girls and 1 in 53 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault at the hands of an adult.

If you need help please reach out.

National Sexual Assault Hotline

800.656.HOPE (4673)

Chat online

Our Favorites November

Hello November!

Thanksgiving coming up reminds me to be thankful. Sometimes I need reminders to stop and appreciate life.

Do you find yourself needing a reminder to be thankful?

It doesn’t take much thought to complain. It’s actually pretty easy to talk about the things that piss you off. Let’s face it. Life doesn’t always go the way we plan or want, but there is always a reason to be thankful. Finding those “thankfuls” may not always be easy, but it’s worth it.

Everyone has SOMETHING to be thankful for, big or small. Some of you may not agree, but I guarantee you it is true. No matter what you are going through, there is something.

Did you take a breath today? Yes! There you go something to be thankful for.

Recognizing even the tiniest thing is important. Gratitude is good for you!

My hope for you (and for myself) is that we take a moment every day to be grateful.

Time to get started.
Veronica

Here are some of the things we’re thankful for.

Our Fav Peeps: YOU! We are beyond thankful for each and every one of you. You are each unique, important, and make our lives brighter.

Our Fav Eats: Pizza! We so agree on this one. Any shape, size, or kind. We LOVE pizza. We also agree on toppings. Top two fav’s black olives and pineapple.

Roberta's Pizza in New York City

Roberta’s Pizza in New York City

Our Fav Mother Daughter Duo: The Gilmore Girls! Obviously we love a great mother daughter team. Rory and Lorelai are coming back and we are sooo excited. Nov. 25 you will find us in front of the TV binge watching. Thanks Netflix.

Our Fav Cuddlers: Our babies. So much love.

thankful-favorites

Our Fav Ditty:  What A Wonderful World. Thank you Louis Armstrong for reminding us that our world is beautiful.

 

What are you most thankful for?

Share your thankfuls in the comments!