Monthly Archives: July 2016

Dear Hope: Scared to Ask Her Out

Dear Hope,Summer Party
I want to ask this girl to a pool party. The party is in a few weeks, but I’m scared to ask her. We have only been hanging out since May. She is super cool and we have a lot of fun together. How can I stop freaking out and ask her.
– B

Dear B,
Take a breath and remember she is a person just like you. She is not some big scary dragon that will set you on fire.

Why are you freaking out? Because she might say no? Well, what if she does?

Think about that for a minute. What if she says no? It won’t ruin your life. You might feel awkward for a little while, but it will pass. You said she is “super cool” so I don’t think she would be rude about it.

BUT WAIT! She might say yes!

So take another deep breath and figure out what you want to say. Keep it casual. “There’s a party next week I was wondering if you wanted to go.”

The next time you’re hanging out, breath (yet again) and ask her. You can do this. If you never ask, you will never know.

You’ve got this!

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Life Lessons and Cookies

Cookie

I like to use examples when I talk.

Okay, I love making examples.

I often tell off topic stories when imparting important wisdom to my daughter.  She is pretty much forced to listen, and I do get an occasional eye roll, but I keep on.  Eventually I get to the end of a story, hope that my example has a point, and hope that she has learned something.

I usually start by saying: “it’s kinda like this,” or “let’s say for example…”

Even when my daughter begs me not to tell another story, I always say “Wait, this is a good one!”

Hey, I never claimed I wasn’t a dorky mom.

So what’s the point of this?

As I read through blogs and social media I notice a lot of self-hating and negative self-talk:

I HATE MYSELF – I’M NOT WORTHY – I ‘M UGLY –  I CAN’T BLAME PEOPLE FOR NOT LIKING ME

It’s difficult to always feel good about ourselves. We all have our down days. I understand not always having good body image. It can be a struggle. But what I have noticed on social media is an increase in wanting to highlight the negatives.  20,000 likes for “I hate myself,” or “I’m fat,” or “I’m trying so hard to be anorexic.” I don’t understand why people encourage this, but what I want to address is why they are posting it in the first place. I look at some of these pages and see negative post after negative post.

Today I want to give you one of my famous examples (well… they will become famous one day).

Let’s say you were going to make cookies, maybe chocolate chips with nuts.

You would need to follow a recipe and put in the correct amounts of each ingredient.

2 cups of this, a dash of that, a scoop here, a pinch there.  Putting in the right amounts will make for some tasty cookies.  Yummy!

But what happens when we put too much of something?

If it only calls for is a dash of salt and you put a cup, imagine how that would taste.  WAY TOO SALTY!

What about if it calls for a cup of nuts and you put in three cups.  WAY TO NUTTY!

Do any of us need to be any nuttier?

I don’t like my cookies too salty, too dry, too nutty or too anything. That doesn’t mean the recipe has to be perfect, or that every cookie has to look exactly the same, it just means that too much of one thing can be TOO MUCH.

What does this have to do with anything you ask?

Hold on I’m getting to it.

Life is like making cookies

It takes a dash of this and several cups of that.

We can all have bad days.  There are days where self-doubt or body issues creep up. We don’t like everything every day, but that shouldn’t be all we focus on.

Without the right measurements, it can make an unhealthy, not so tasty cookie life.

Here’s the problem: if you keep making cookies with too much salt and eating them you will start to like them.  You will get used to all the salt.  It’s the same with the negative posts. You start believing and living the negative things you say.

When we have conversations with people or post on social media, we are expressing how we feel or sharing something. Think about making cookies when you post. A little of this and some of that. Too much of anything can spoil the recipe.

We were all born with the right amount of ingredients.   

– NBL V –

Dear Hope: Video Games Yes or No?

Dear Hope,Video Gamess
The other day my uncle was telling my mom and dad that teens shouldn’t be allowed to play aggressive videos games. He was trying to convince them to make me stop playing my game. What do you think?
– Gabe

Dear Gabe,
I think it would be nice to live in a world without aggression or violence. Then there would be no reason to even produce these types of video games. But they do exist and will continue to be bought and played.

So many people are against these games because they believe violence brings on violence. They worry you will not have a clear understanding of right and wrong and will lack empathy towards others.

Unfortunately, there have been people who become influenced by what they see. Then they think it’s okay to act on that. The problem is when people get emotionally or physically hurt because someone did what they saw done in a video game.

If you are going to play these types of games it’s about remembering they’re aren’t real. Even if it’s based on reality, it is not okay for anyone to act on it outside of the actual game.

It’s not up to me to decide for anyone whether or not should play these types of games. It is up to you and your parents.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Guest Post by Maemi

We want to introduce you to our blogger friend Maemi! She has such a genuine heart and we are so excited that she is guest posting today. She once told us that she wanted to spread a little happiness out there and she has always sent happiness our way.

Now let’s spread some happiness her way.
After you read her post go check out her blog truthfulchild.

Guest Post

     This moment is one of a kind. It won’t ever come back. I know it’s not something amazing that you’re doing. Like you are about to jump off the plane and it is your first time skydiving, or it’s your grandparent’s 50th anniversary, and in a moment, you and your family are about to surprise them with a wonderful party.

No, it isn’t one of those anticipated moments.

Yet, it is way more valuable than that.

Try to think of two things which are very costly, but aren’t treated as they should be because your parents bought them for you. Now think of something that you bought for yourself after saving up for it. Do you see a difference in their value?

We are created as such that when we acquire something easily, we take it for granted. There are many things we aren’t giving their fair share of attention to. The most vital; your dreams, aspirations, goals. They are worthy enough to be turned into reality. When we work hard for them. When we live, eat, sleep them. The end result is exhilarating because we learn to push ourselves, and reach that amazing part of ourselves that hadn’t been unlocked before. And what everyone sees is only the tip of the iceberg. The secret is only with you. And the only person who knows how well you are actually doing is you. I have a beautiful friend, and I say beautiful because she a beautiful heart, who once told me about how frustrating it was for her as she had been exercising regularly, watching her diet for months and she had still made no visible improvement. This only caused my respect to increase for her, as how many times has it been, that we give up on something and to make ourselves feel better, go on and make excuses upon excuses. There are so many memes today that make procrastination feel like it’s something cool, because everyone’s doing it. Well, besides those who know themselves.

Because you are capable of amazing things and just because you aren’t a famous magazine reporter, a dedicated football coach, a committed nurse or anything that comes to your mind right now which you think is exciting and worth respecting, doesn’t mean that you don’t have to live each moment to the fullest. Yes, I said you should live each moment to the fullest. Watching tv show episodes end to end doesn’t count as that. Neither does partying every night. The actual meaning of these words is something quite different than what is usually portrayed or what it has come to be known as.

It means living each moment with purpose. Thinking, wishing, wondering and hoping. And then most importantly putting it into action. Having clear intentions for everything that you do. Remaining focused throughout the day. No, it isn’t impossible. Learn to trust yourself and most importantly, grow. Once you make up your mind, you will be able to do it In sha Allah (God willing). Have faith in the unseen.

 

Maemi’s Bio:

I have always been a curious person, inquiring knowledge of whatever shape or form. As I grew older, I was able to differentiate the right from wrong. Many lessons and experiences later, I am a little further ahead but also definitely assured of what I want out of life. I now take care about both the little and big things in life because for me the most important questions have been answered. Knowledge is the most valuable property a person can possess but it is the application of that knowledge that differentiates one person from another. I started this blog in the hope to share what I learned and am learning so that even a single person may benefit from it. I want to help remove the doubts and misconceptions of readers similar to what I once had.

Focusing on each of our mental, spiritual and physical health is very important and so you will find mindful quotes on my blog, those that make you think (not overthink hopefully). And optimism. That is something we all should carry more of <3

Dear Hope: How To Get Over Feeling Blah?

Dear Hope,Feeling blah
How do you get over feeling blah? I’m not depressed just kind of yuck. I still hang out with my friends and stuff, but I want to shake it off. Any advice would be helpful.
– Blah Blah

Dear Blah Blah,
The dreaded blah’s are never fun. I’m sorry to hear they are happening to you. There are some things you can do to get you through it.

Here are my 6 tips to fight the blah’s. You’re already doing #1

1. Hang out with friends.

Just being around friends can brighten up your day.

2. Watch how and what you eat.

Sometimes when you feel down your eating habits can be effected. You might want to eat everything or nothing at all. Try to eat your regular meals without over doing it. Make sure you’re eating fruits and vegetables because they will help your mood and give you energy.

3. Exercise.

It doesn’t have to be some insane workout, just get moving. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals. You can release tension, be more relaxed and feel happier. Just 15-30 minutes a day. Get up and dance, play basketball or just take a walk. Do something you enjoy and start moving.

4. Don’t spend time focused on feeling blah.

It’s okay to talk to a trusted friend or relative, to express how you’re feeling. Getting it all out there can help you let some of it go. Just don’t focus on it too much. When we spend too much time on something it can feel bigger than it is.

5. Give yourself something to do.

In the moments you feel down, distract yourself. Even ten minutes of doing something different can change your mood. Example: paint, play a game, write in a journal, read a book etc.

6. Sleep.

Make sure you are getting the right amount of sleep. Lack of sleep can leave you feeling sluggish and blah.

Getting the blah’s once in a while happens. Life is full of ups and downs, but they should pass. What you need to be aware of is if they don’t go away. If a few days turn into weeks or months make sure you talk to a trusted adult about it.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

What is Your Biggest Regret?

 

Don’t let regret hold you back.

It’s not about past mistakes or missed opportunities
It’s about what is in front of you.

Regret is not going to change anything. Let it go and be the amazing you that you are.

Dear Hope: My Girlfriend is Flirty

Dear Hope,Flirt Girlfriend
My girlfriend is flirty. She says I’m the most beautiful girl she has ever seen, but I still get jealous. The thing is she is super outgoing and I’m not like that. I love her and I know she loves me, but can I ask her to stop flirting?
– Shy

Dear Shy,
I’m not completely clear if you’re saying she is really flirty or just outgoing. Is she just being friendly and talking to everyone or is she actually flirting with them?

There is a difference. If she is just being charming, friendly and talkative then you may need to look at your own insecurities. Sometimes when a shy person dates an outgoing person, it can be hard to always understand each other. You have to be secure with yourself. You love her and wouldn’t want her to stop being who she is. You have to realize she will always be talkative and outgoing.

Flirty is more an act of trying to attract someone’s attention. Although it may be harmless and not mean anything, it can be uncomfortable for the other person in the relationship.

Either way, flirty or outgoing, you need to have a talk (a nice calm talk). If she has given you no reason to mistrust her, then keep it simple. Let her know that you love her personality, but it makes you a little jealous. Let her know that when you’re out, you would like her to focus on just the two of you sometimes.

You cannot expect her to change. Work on becoming more confident and secure in yourself.
If it becomes too much for you or she doesn’t get it, you might have to reevaluate your relationship.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Dear Hope: Caught and Embarrassed

Dear Hope,Masturbating
I think my mom caught me masturbating. I’m not completely sure, but she walked in and I quickly stopped. I was in the shower and I forgot to lock the door. She just said ooops sorry and shut the door. She has been acting normal so I’m not sure if she saw or not. Should I say something or just let it go? I’m kind of embarrassed.
– Caught

Dear Caught,
Moms all over the world have accidentally walked in on their kids masturbating and it’s just as awkward for them. I would suggest just letting it go. You’re not even sure of what she saw. She might have just thought “ooops you’re in the bathroom, sorry”.

There are two types of parents in these situations, they either freak out or think it’s no big deal. If she did see you and is freaked out, she will talk to you. If she has been acting normal then she either didn’t see or doesn’t want to make a big deal about it. Continue acting normal with her. Next time, just remember to lock the bathroom door.

I’m sure Caught would like to hear if anyone else has gone through this. Has anyone else experienced this?

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope