Dear Hope: They Think My Boyfriend Is a Bully
I don’t know why I am writing you. I don’t think I have a problem, but my friends do and they said I should ask you. They think my boyfriend is a bully. I don’t agree with them and I love him. Their mad because he says things about people. Like he always calls our one friend fat and the other stupid. He doesn’t mean it and he’s joking, but they don’t like it. I think they shouldn’t worry about it but they do. So I guess what do you think?
– No Problem Here
Dear No Problem Here,
This is an interesting situation. You don’t believe there is a problem, but you want my answer. Okay, here it goes.
First, I think your friends have a right to be upset. Even if he is not saying things to be intentionally hurtful, hearing things like that never feels good. It’s hurtful to have negative things said about you.
Secondly, I don’t think it’s funny. When you talk about other people, it is considered bullying. He might not really be a mean person, but he is acting mean and disrespecting people you care about.
Third, I don’t think it’s nice of you to put up with someone treating your friends like that. They don’t deserve to be around someone who is unkind to them, and neither do you.
I thing you should talk to him. He may not even realize that what he is saying is offensive. Explain that it is hurtful to your friends or to anyone for that matter. See what happens. If he stops, that’s great. If he continues, he may not be as nice as you thought.
It might come down to choosing between him or your “friends”.
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.