Dear Hope: I Miss My Old Best Friend
I met my best friend through dance. We go to different schools, but I’d see her every week at dance class.
But last year she quit dance an she hasn’t been the same person since. All of a sudden she was obsessed with boys and how she looked. I knew it would be harder to stay friends without seeing her as often but I was determined to try. She wasn’t. I took her on my family vacation, only she spent most of her free time facetiming her other friends (who I didn’t know). I text her whenever I can, but it’s rare when she texts back cause she’s “too busy”. I don’t have a whole lot of friends, as I’m a pretty private person. She, however, is Miss Popularity and makes a big deal about how much more ‘popular’ she is than me.
It was only recently that I realized what she was doing. I don’t know if she realizes it or not. I’ve typed out so many text messages telling her how I feel, but I’ve never sent any of them cause I’m worried that I’ll ruin everything that’s left of our friendship. I really miss my old best friend and I want her back. I’ve tried to get her to dance again but she just gets annoyed. What should I do?
It can be hard when things change, especially when it’s with your best friend. Unfortunately, situations and people do change. As much as you would like things to go back to the way they were, you cannot make her decisions. What you can do, is decide what is right for you.
It’s time to figure out where this relationship is going and what that means to you. From the way you described her, it doesn’t sound like she is acting like a friend . Her actions seem like she is pulling away from the friendship.
Send one of those texts you have written. Let her know how you feel. Ask her what’s going on. Is she pulling away or is she just going through something? I know you’re afraid of losing her, but you are already losing her. It’s better to find out what’s really happening, so you can start dealing with it.
If she says she is not pulling away, then you can start to mend the relationship if that’s what you want.
- Let her know that you would like to spend more time together.
- Explain how her bragging makes you feel.
- Continue to work on making things better.
True friends respect each other and work out their differences. You both deserve friends that are willing to make the effort.
If she says that she is pulling away, then it’s up to you to decide what to do next. Maybe it’s time to move on . Not every friendship lasts and that’s ok. It takes both people to work at the friendship.
She may not say it in those words, but you will be able to tell.
- Maybe she doesn’t respond to your text
- Maybe she has an attitude
- She might say nothing is wrong, and that you just need to get over it
I hope that you can work this out. Either way you deserve a great friend. If it’s not meant to be her then it will be someone else. Don’t let being a private person keep you from the friendships you deserve. You have amazing qualities and someone would be lucky to have you as a friend.
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.