Dear Hope: I Think I’m in Love…Now What?
I came to you with a question about a year back (a boy and a rumor)….. and I have another question for you.
Have you ever been in love. Like, you already know you do….. I have a pretty definite feeling about it bc I have never felt like this before… there’s a guy at my school, which I just left, and I’ve kind of known for about two and a half years now. I realized it one night when I was thinking about that rumor I told you about.
I just felt it. I’ve never been one to crush on guys…. I went two years without having a crush. I’m your typical nerd stereotype. He’s very athletic, and he has a lot of friends. All of the girls, according to one of them, think he’s “hot”. But I never noticed that about him. When my friend yelled at me in front of the whole lunchroom, he stood up for me and made sure I wasn’t upset.
I don’t and didn’t know him personally, but every time I look at him, I just think about how great of a person he is. His personality is just amazing. Most girls say he’s a jerk, but I’ve never seen him do that. They typically use that as a way to hide that they have a crush on him, and I can tell. I just don’t know what to do, bc I’ve only confided in one person who knows a lot about this, and I thought you may know. He’s just all around amazing, and I feel empty when he’s not around. I thank God for him every night. I have thanked God for him for three years. He, I just missed him when he was right beside me. I don’t get into dating or any of that, but I just missed him. And it grew every day. And he’s been on my mind constantly for three years. I’m thinking about him as I type this at midnight. And now that I’m gone from the school, I just think about him and feel empty without him. I’m pretty sure I love him:
I fell in love with his personality: not looks. I just don’t know where to go at this point. What should I do?
One more thing: I love him so much, but I know he doesn’t feel the same way whatsoever, and all I want for him is for him to be happy. So I don’t want him to feel the same way bc he wouldn’t be happy. I get it. I just don’t know what to do….
It’s great to hear from you again. I remember your question about a boy and a rumor. I suggested you take some time to figure out how you felt. It sounds like you have thought a lot about it.
When you fall in love with someone, it feels magical. It can also be a little confusing. I’m glad to hear you say you like him for his personality and not just looks. You see him for the person he is not just his outer shell. I admire that.
You said in your letter that he does not feel the same way, but you did not say how you know that. Are you sure, he does not like you? If there is any possibility, you should try talking to him. Give him a chance.
If you are positive that he doesn’t feel that way and you love him from afar, it’s time to move on.
Everything we do in life teaches us a lesson. Each lesson helps you grow. Each experience good or bad, sad or happy, gives insight to who you are as a person.
You have learned what it falling in love feels like.
You have learned how to see someone not just for looks, but to see their character.
Those are amazing things to learn and to experience. This next lesson is a little harder.
Learning to let go. Letting go is almost never easy, but it is important. Important because when you let go of one thing, you open yourself up for another. You will feel this way again and someone will feel the same for you. It can be hard to believe that sometimes, but it’s absolutely true. If he does not feel the same way then you should take your focus off him.
While you are trying to let go:
It’s okay to be sad. You have had these feelings for a while, so you can’t expect them to go away immediately. Three years is a long time.
Don’t ask about him or check out his social media. Give yourself some time to process how you feel. If time passes and you feel comfortable being around him then that’s fine. If it’s hard think about right now, don’t torture yourself.
Find things to do. When you start thinking about him, (you will), do something to distract yourself. Listen to upbeat music, draw, or get up and dance. Do fun things. Hang out with friends, just don’t talk about him.
Over time, you will start to think about him less and less.
There is nothing wrong with loving someone. You have the right to love whomever you choose. However, you deserve someone who feels the same way. Open yourself up for something new.
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.