Dear Hope: Secret Boyfriend

Dear Hope,dear hope
Last weekend I went to this party at my friends house. My ex girlfriend S was there with her best friend J. I’ve always had a crush on J. I wanted to date her but she already had a boyfriend that’s how I ended up with S. I know it’s bad, but true. Well after the party J and I hooked up. We have been talking and secretly hanging out all week. We both like each other. We want to keep going with this and actually date, but we don’t want S to be pissed off. How should we handle this?
– SecretBoyfriend

Dear SecretBoyfriend,
If you want to keep seeing J you need to come clean with S.
For two reasons:
1. You should not have to keep your relationship a secret. Being secretive is not healthy and it’s not fair to either of you. It might be fun in the beginning to sneak around, but it will get old. It also limits the things you can do as a couple. If your friend has another party, can you bring your “girlfriend”?

2. S will eventually find out. It’s better if she find out from you and J. It will be hard to tell her and yes, she will probably be angry. Try to understand her feelings. Her ex-boyfriend hooked up with her best friend. Be honest, but be sensitive. She may be angry for a while. She may never get over this. Give her space and time. You can’t control how she feels, but being honest is the best thing for everyone.

Once you have told S, you and J can move forward. Honesty is a big part of a healthy relationship. From this point on, keep it real.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

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