Dear Hope: My Girlfriend is Cheating

Dear Hope,Cheating
This is going to sound crazy, but I think my girlfriend is cheating. Lately she has been hanging out with her best friend more than me. She says it’s cause her friend is moving and she wants to spend as much time with her as possible. I know her friend is moving, but I think maybe she is not with her all the time and she is with another guy. I asked her other friends and they think I’m crazy. They keep telling me how much she loves me, but idk. Is it ok if I check her phone to see if there are any messages from another guy? How can I tell for sure if she is cheating? It would hurt me so much if she is cheating.
– Chris

Dear Chris,
Let me get this out of the way first. NO, you cannot check her phone. That is her personal property. Unless she gives you permission, there is no reason to look at it. You want to snoop to catch her doing something wrong. Something you assume she is doing. How would she feel if she knew you were trying to go behind her back? How would you feel if you knew she was looking at YOUR phone?

Why are you questioning your girlfriend? From what you have written here, you have no reason to think she is cheating. It sounds like your main concern is that she is spending extra time with her friend. It’s understandable that they want to spend as much time together as possible. It shows your girlfriend is a loyal friend.

Think about why you might feel this way. Has she ever given you reason to distrust her? Trust is an important part of a relationship. False thoughts and jealousy start when there is no trust.

It seems trust is the issue, not cheating. Don’t assume the worst, especially when you have no signs of cheating. You should believe what your girlfriend is saying. Work on building trust into your relationship. When she hangs out with her friend, keep yourself busy. Don’t sit around thinking about what she might be doing. Keep reassuring yourself that she is with her friend.

If you continue to question her, it will be difficult maintaining a healthy relationship. Not having trust is unfair to her. She should be doing things without you. She should not have to worry that you won’t believe her.

1. Figure out why you don’t trust her.
2. Don’t snoop or blame her when there is no evidence.
3. Work on building trust or move on. You may need to move on.

Continue to work on trusting. If this relationship does not work out you will be better prepared next time.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

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