Dear Hope: His Parents Keep Meddling
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost four months. we are both seniors in high school and recently graduated and will be going to college together ( not planned just coincidental ). Everything has been fine on my end, mostly due to the fact I have no curfew and have a lot of trust by my parents. My boyfriend however, was adopted at age 4 and prior to meeting me, hasn’t made the best choices. Needless to say, he has been a drug user and use to sneak out and was caught with pornography. He turned his life around two years ago from all of this leaving it behind him. However, now because of all that ,his parents don’t trust him. He has no car or phone, actually the first few weeks of our relationship we had to email and he wouldn’t tell them about me till the third week of our relationship( which in high school is odd). His parents are very controlling and sometimes I feel like they don’t like me because I know of everything he has done wrong and they even asked him,”why would she like you if she knows all the awful things you’ve done?” And I think they may think I’m no good because they may see my acceptance as me being passive and saying it’s no big deal do whatever you want. Me and my boyfriend kicked his drugs habit together, so what should I do about his parents?hes 18, going to college, with no phone and no car, and a curfew of 10:30… So what do I do to keep their hands out of our relationship ? I really think he is my match and if he’s not I want him and I to honestly say It was because we didn’t go together, not that it was because his parents kept meddling.
It is great to hear your boyfriend has worked towards a positive life. At this time, it may be difficult to keep them out of his business. They are his parents. He lives in their house and still relies on them.
They probably feel like they have been through a lot with him. It sounds like gaining back their trust will take some time. Even though it has been two years for him, it can still feel fresh to them. You said he kicked the drugs with you. Was that before you dated two years ago, or within the last four months?
Does he talk to his parents? Has he sat down with them and discussed these issues?
The first step towards his independence is to have a real conversation with his parents. It is important to show them that he is working hard to have a positive life, but that he appreciates their concern. He should ask his parents what they expect of him. What can he do to build that trust. Maybe they can come to an agreement on when he will be able to have a phone, or other privileges.
He should also let them know how he feels about you. Ask them to respect your relationship. There is no way to know how his parents will react. They may never change their opinions on things.
Another option is for him to start becoming independent. He could start taking on more responsibilities like getting a job and paying for his own phone.
Hopefully, talking to his parents will calm things down. If your relationship is healthy and happy, the lack of a car and the imposed curfew should not be a deal breaker. You can work around those things. Try to understand the situation he is in right now. If it becomes too much for you or unhealthy, always do what is right for you.
Congratulations on graduating! I hope this is an awesome new chapter in your life!
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.