Dear Hope: I’m Not Ready
This question is hard to ask but I don’t know who else to ask. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a month and he started talking about having oral sex. I’m not ready for that, but I don’t want to lose him. I can’t talk to my friends, cuz they are all doing it. They would just tell me to do it. What do you think I should do? Do you really think he will leave if I say no?
Only you truly know what is right for you. It is ok to talk to your friends, but this is not their decision to make. What is right for one person is not always right for another. Anything that has the word sex in it is a big deal. It’s not something you do just because everyone else is.
Here are some things to think about:
• It’s your body and you have control over it.
• You have the right to say no.
• You can get STIs (sexually transmitted infections) from oral sex. Bacteria or viruses that like warm, moist places such as your mouth and genital areas cause STIs. There are ways to help protect you from STIs, but the only way to be a 100% safe is not doing it.
• How you might feel after. It is important to respect your body, your mind, and your own beliefs. What is right for someone else may not be right for you.
The best advice when trying to figure something out is to listen to yourself. Most times, you already know how you feel. If you look at your question, you said, “I’m not ready for that”. Right there is your answer. You are not ready. Trust yourself.
I cannot answer whether your boyfriend will leave or not, that is up to him. If he respects you, he will respect your decision. Let him know that whatever you choose does not affect how you feel about him.
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.