Monthly Archives: June 2015

Dear Hope: Getting Over a Crush

Dear Hope,crush
There is this guy I have known for like four years. He is so cute and I have a crush on him. But I don’t what to because he is a jerk. How do I stop having feelings for him? Please, I really need advice on this!
– In Love, but Not Meaning To Be

Dear In Love, but Not Meaning To Be,
Having a crush can be fun and exciting… Until you realize your feelings have become stronger and he is not what you thought. It’s time to move on! Feelings are tricky. They are not always something you can easily forget.
Here are some tips for moving on and helping those feelings fade away.

– Try distancing yourself from him when you can.
– Make a distraction plan. Come up with a few things that you can do or think about instead of focusing on him. When you find yourself watching him, or just can’t get him off your mind, use your pre-planned distractions. Think about things that make you happy, talk to a friend, or do something else you love.
– Do you bring him up a lot around your friends? If so, start talking about him less. Try to stop putting your focus on him.
– Remind yourself that you deserve someone who respects you, not a jerk.
– Recognize the qualities that you do and don’t like about him. It will help you figure out who is right for you in the future.
– Be patient. Getting over feelings can take time.

Sticking to these tips will definitely help turn you crush into a memory.

We would love to hear how things work out! Send us an email update!

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

3 Days 3 Quotes Challenge: Day 3

This is the last day of our 3 Days, 3 Quotes Challenge!

This has been a fun challenge! I’m sad to say it is coming to an end. Thank you again to Mon and mypersonalteenlife for nominating us!

Onto the final quote. Quote #3…

Quote

“Most people fail in life not because they aim too high and miss, but because they aim too low and hit.” – Les Brown

– ttfn G –  – NBL V –

3 Days 3 Quotes Challenge: Day 2

This is day 2 of the 3 Days, 3 Quotes Challenge!

Quote #2…

Quote

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

– ttfn G –   – NBL V –

3 Days 3 Quotes Challenge

The 3 Days, 3 Quotes Challenge!

We have been nominated for the challenge! We absolutely love quotes! In fact, we are probably a little too obsessed with them (we even have quotes all over the house), so this is the perfect challenge for us. Thank you to the amazing Mon and mypersonalteenlife for the nomination!

 

Now onto the rules…

1. Thank the people who have nominated you. (check!)

2. Post 3 of your favorite quotes for 3 days. They can be from anywhere. (It is so hard to choose!)

3. Nominate 3 blogs to take on the challenge. (if you dare…)

 

First, our nominations are…

1. glittersara 

2. Natalie’s Mostly Disney Blog 

3. Yoshiko

 

Finally, quote #1…
Quote

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

– ttfn G –  -NBL V –

Dear Hope: Too Busy to Wash My Face

Face Wash

Dear Hope,
I’ve been so busy with school and work lately that I have stopped washing my face at night. I know it’s bad to leave all my makeup on, but I’m so tired. I go to school all day then to my job only to come home to homework. I’m starting to see this neglect on my face. Any tips to help me out, because I’m still probably not going to wash it at night.
– Cara

Dear Cara,
It’s important to understand that you are not only washing off your makeup, but all the dirt and oils you have collected through the day. I understand you are busy. Making time to wash your face is the last thing you want to add to your list. Here is my tip. Buy some makeup remover wipes and keep them by your bed. On those busy nights, you can at least wipe off your makeup and the days dirt right before you go to sleep. They are inexpensive and can be found at most grocery stores. Your face will thank you!

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

Losing a Friend to Suicide

suicide prevention

These are the heartfelt and honest words of Joey Valdez.

Joey is an old friend, musician, recent high school graduate, and someone who just lost a friend to suicide. This is a difficult topic, but one that needs to be brought to light.

Here is what he shared:

Life is a beautiful, fragile thing, and I want to write about why you shouldn’t ever waste it.
I’m up at one in the morning making a Facebook post (something I don’t do often) because I’ve been thinking about my friend all day. Going to the burial today was a sense of catharsis as a mourner; being able to shovel the dirt that now covers his resting body helps me feel like I’ve done something for him, something that I’ve felt like I’ve needed to do ever since I found out about his passing. It’d been a while since I had seen some of you who came to the funeral. Sharing today with you was very special, and it’s something I’m sure I will always remember.
But this is about something different:
Suicide and depression is something that isn’t talked about enough in this culture. So many people have gone through it or are currently going through it, but even more people don’t understand that fact. When you’re depressed, you feel like you’re insane, like something must be wrong with you because you feel like you do, like you’re different than everyone else in this psychotic way. But that’s not true at all. I’ve been in that place years ago, and I’ve felt alone, like there were no friends to turn to, like I must be defective for feeling depressed. And I guarantee that one of your good friends at some point in your life will feel like this in some major or minor way.

Do them a favor:
Tell them that you’re their friend. Tell them that they can talk to you if they ever need to. Tell them that you can be there for them. Tell them that you appreciate them. Tell them that you enjoy knowing them. When they feel lost, and when they feel like there is nowhere left to go, they may find hope in having someone to turn to, and maybe their life won’t be cut off prematurely by the hopelessness that absorbs some people during depression.
My friend was only nineteen years old when he ended his life. Any victim of suicide at any age has left this world too young, but nineteen is way too young for any circumstance. Please, if you ever should feel alone in this world, turn to someone for help – a friend, a counselor, a family member, or anyone else who you feel close to. Opening yourself up to someone is the first step to escaping the abyss of depression. Somebody out there cares about you. At the very least, if you’re reading this, I would be devastated to receive a notice that you have ended your life prematurely just like I found out how my friend died. Any person that I see in my day leaves an impression on me, and I, along with many other people, I’m sure, would feel yet another tragedy of loss if you were gone.
With my friend’s funeral today, I learned many things and have grown so much as a person, but Lord only knows that I hope to never go through it again with another friend in the ground.
Stay safe.
– Joey Valdez

If you have a friend that you are concerned about, reach out to them.

Don’t be afraid to talk about depression or suicide. Ask them about it. Getting them to open up about their feelings can seriously help.

Listen to them. Hear what they have to say and take it seriously. Don’t judge or act as if what they say is not important.

Encourage them to talk to someone.
If you are in the U.S. they can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at
1-800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor.

If you are outside the U.S. use this link to find the hotline for your country:
International Hotlines

Don’t be afraid to tell someone on behalf of your friend. Talk to your parents or theirs. Talk to a school counselor. Talk to a coach.
Don’t worry that talking to someone will upset your friend. Their life is more important than hurt feelings.

Being there for a friend can really make a difference. But what you and Joey need to remember is you’re not responsible for preventing someone from taking his or her own life.

You are not alone. There are people who can help.

“Somebody out there cares about you.”

Thank you, Joey.

Hotlines and Resources:

U.S.: 1-800-273-TALK (800-273-8255)

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Outside U.S.
http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

Dear Hope: His Parents Keep Meddling

Dear Hope,parents keep meddling
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost four months. we are both seniors in high school and recently graduated and will be going to college together ( not planned just coincidental ). Everything has been fine on my end, mostly due to the fact I have no curfew and have a lot of trust by my parents. My boyfriend however, was adopted at age 4 and prior to meeting me, hasn’t made the best choices. Needless to say, he has been a drug user and use to sneak out and was caught with pornography. He turned his life around two years ago from all of this leaving it behind him. However, now because of all that ,his parents don’t trust him. He has no car or phone, actually the first few weeks of our relationship we had to email and he wouldn’t tell them about me till the third week of our relationship( which in high school is odd). His parents are very controlling and sometimes I feel like they don’t like me because I know of everything he has done wrong and they even asked him,”why would she like you if she knows all the awful things you’ve done?” And I think they may think I’m no good because they may see my acceptance as me being passive and saying it’s no big deal do whatever you want. Me and my boyfriend kicked his drugs habit together, so what should I do about his parents?hes 18, going to college, with no phone and no car, and a curfew of 10:30… So what do I do to keep their hands out of our relationship ? I really think he is my match and if he’s not I want him and I to honestly say It was because we didn’t go together, not that it was because his parents kept meddling.
– Lana

Dear Lana,
It is great to hear your boyfriend has worked towards a positive life. At this time, it may be difficult to keep them out of his business. They are his parents. He lives in their house and still relies on them.

They probably feel like they have been through a lot with him. It sounds like gaining back their trust will take some time. Even though it has been two years for him, it can still feel fresh to them. You said he kicked the drugs with you. Was that before you dated two years ago, or within the last four months?

Does he talk to his parents? Has he sat down with them and discussed these issues?

The first step towards his independence is to have a real conversation with his parents. It is important to show them that he is working hard to have a positive life, but that he appreciates their concern. He should ask his parents what they expect of him. What can he do to build that trust. Maybe they can come to an agreement on when he will be able to have a phone, or other privileges.
He should also let them know how he feels about you. Ask them to respect your relationship. There is no way to know how his parents will react. They may never change their opinions on things.

Another option is for him to start becoming independent. He could start taking on more responsibilities like getting a job and paying for his own phone.

Hopefully, talking to his parents will calm things down. If your relationship is healthy and happy, the lack of a car and the imposed curfew should not be a deal breaker. You can work around those things. Try to understand the situation he is in right now. If it becomes too much for you or unhealthy, always do what is right for you.

Congratulations on graduating! I hope this is an awesome new chapter in your life!

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

I Need a Relationship Now!

Relationship

The Red – I Need A Relationship Glasses:

Do you wear I need a relationship glasses?

Wearing these glasses will leave you feeling sad and lonely. Unless of course you are in a relationship.
As long as you have that relationship you feel whole, but without it, you don’t know who you are. You view your life and self-worth through someone being with you. From your perspective, you always need to have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Here are some signs that you might wear I need a relationship glasses.

• Everything feels great and seems exciting when you are in a relationship, but you feel low and unhappy when you are single.
• When you’re not in a relationship, you feel like you don’t even know who you are.
• When you are single, you feel like your life is empty or you are unworthy of love.
• Have you stayed in a bad relationship because you feel it is better than being single?
• You can’t really remember a time when you were single.

If many of these sound familiar, you wear I need a relationship glasses.

Go ahead and take them off!

Taking them off does not mean being in a relationship is wrong. Relationships can be amazing. But they do not make you whole.

Being in a relationship is fun, but it doesn’t determine who you are as a person. It adds to your life, it doesn’t complete you. You don’t need someone else to prove how loved and special you are.

People often look at relationships as two halves coming together, but that would mean you are only half a person when you are single. That just isn’t true.
You alone are a whole person.

Let the world see your pretty eyes! Take the glasses off and start to see things differently!

You deserve more than waiting on someone else to determine your happiness.

If you wear these glasses, it is time to start feeling good whether you are in a relationship or single.

Know your worth!

Do you wear I need a relationship glasses?
Do you feel like you are ready to take them off or get a new perspective?
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!!

– ttfn G –

Dear Hope: I’m Not Ready

Dear Hope,sex
This question is hard to ask but I don’t know who else to ask. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for a month and he started talking about having oral sex. I’m not ready for that, but I don’t want to lose him. I can’t talk to my friends, cuz they are all doing it. They would just tell me to do it. What do you think I should do? Do you really think he will leave if I say no?

– Anonymous 

Dear Anonymous,
Only you truly know what is right for you. It is ok to talk to your friends, but this is not their decision to make. What is right for one person is not always right for another. Anything that has the word sex in it is a big deal. It’s not something you do just because everyone else is.

Here are some things to think about:
• It’s your body and you have control over it.

• You have the right to say no.

• You can get STIs (sexually transmitted infections) from oral sex. Bacteria or viruses that like warm, moist places such as your mouth and genital areas cause STIs. There are ways to help protect you from STIs, but the only way to be a 100% safe is not doing it.

• How you might feel after. It is important to respect your body, your mind, and your own beliefs. What is right for someone else may not be right for you.

The best advice when trying to figure something out is to listen to yourself. Most times, you already know how you feel. If you look at your question, you said, “I’m not ready for that”. Right there is your answer. You are not ready. Trust yourself.

I cannot answer whether your boyfriend will leave or not, that is up to him. If he respects you, he will respect your decision. Let him know that whatever you choose does not affect how you feel about him.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope