Dear Hope: My Boyfriend Smokes

Dear Hope,smoking
How can I get my boyfriend to stop smoking? It’s so disgusting and I don’t want to kiss him after he has been smoking. Is it rude to avoid kissing him because he smokes?
– Non Smoker

Dear Non Smoker,
In answer to your first question, you can’t get your boyfriend to stop. Your boyfriend has to want to quit smoking. If he chooses to quit, the best thing you can do is support him. Nicotine is addictive and quitting can be a difficult task.

There are several ways you can be supportive.
• Help him make a plan to stop.
• Encourage him along the way.
• Never criticize him about slip-ups.
• Celebrate small successes (like two days, one week, one month without smoking)

Now, on to your second question. You should never kiss someone if you feel uncomfortable. But just avoiding him is not the answer. He may not understand why and begin to think you have a problem with him. You need to be upfront with him. Let him know that you don’t enjoy kissing him when he smokes. You both deserve honesty.
He may never quit smoking, but that is his choice. You ultimately have to decide if you are ok with that or not.

Always do what is best for you.

Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.

Dear Hope

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