Dear Hope: A Boy and a Rumor
There’s a rumor going around my school that another girl started spreading a few months ago, and it’s about me. Basically, it made me look really desperate for attention, and now I have a bad reputation with other students. I don’t want to get anyone else involved and make it worse, though. Every time I try to, the girl just denies ever doing it. The boy it’s about (yes, it involves me and a boy) has already found out about it, and all I hear now from his friends is “Go get you some.” Every day. I’ve asked my closest friends for advice, and all they tell me is to ignore it. But I’m a nervous wreck around him, so it’s not like I can confront him, either. He’s all I can think about, and whenever I see him, he’s staring at me (No, that’s not creepy at all!)! It’s always super awkward to be around him. Like I said, he’s still all I can think about. My friends act like I’m crushing on him, and if people don’t stop saying I do, I may start to believe them! Help me! I’d really appreciate your advice. You’re pretty much my last hope for good advice.
First, I want you to ask yourself some questions. Why are you so nervous around him? Have you been nervous just since the rumors started? Why is he all you think about? Do you have feelings for him? Be completely honest with yourself. Forget the rumor. Forget what anyone else is saying. Figure out you own feelings. You need to figure out for yourself if you have a crush, not because it’s what people are saying. You don’t need to tell anyone, but you need to be honest with yourself.
Now, let’s talk about the rumor. When someone starts a rumor, it is an immature act. They usually start problems to make themselves feel better or boost their own confidence. Rumors can be embarrassing and hurtful; ignoring them is truly the best idea. If the girl denies it, she really did not start it, or she will never admit to it. I know it is hard, but you should not give the person or the rumor any power. Use your friends as your support. When you hear or see someone talking about you, look the other way. Don’t let them see if it bothers you. Don’t give them the satisfaction.
Make a plan with your friends. Ask them to stop saying that you’re crushing. Even if you like him, they should not tease you about it. Ask them to help you ignore the gossip. Plan to walk away together if any drama starts. Start a conversation about something that distracts you and makes you happy. Let them know you just want to move on from the rumor.
It’s probably just as awkward for him. His name is in this also. Do you know how he actually feels about all of this? Why not find the courage to talk to him. Find out how he feels. Say something like: “this whole thing is crazy, I’m not feeding into and I hope you’re not either” .Or say, “let’s not make this anymore awkward for each other”. Unfortunately, you’re both involved even though you’re not responsible for it happening. If he keeps looking at you, just smile and look away.
If this situation becomes too hard to handle you should tell someone. Spreading rumors is a form of bullying and is not acceptable. If you ignore it and it does not go away, you need to take action. Talk to a parent, teacher, or counselor. If it gets worse, please get help.
Remember you are strong and beautiful. You had so much courage to reach out and ask this question. The rumor does not define who you are. Believe in yourself.
Thank you for being brave and sending in your question.