Dear Hope: My Friend is a B****

Dear Hope,mean girls
My best friend is a bitch! I love her but she is mean to everyone. I dont want people thinking I am like that. I tried telling her to stop and it only made it worse. HELP!
– nicegirl

Dear Nicegirl,
How someone else acts should not reflect what other people think about you. However, they will start to think that you find your friend’s behavior acceptable. When your friend acts like that, there is really nothing you can do, she gets to choose her actions. You get to choose whether you are willing to tolerate those actions.

When you ask her to stop, it probably just irritates her. No one likes to be told what to do, especially if it is in front of other people. If she is already acting mean, telling her to stop is just giving her fuel to keep going. When people are mean, it usually means there is something deeper going on.

Try talking to her about it. When it’s just the two of you hanging out, bring it up gently. Ask her what the problem is. She might not like certain people you hang out with or maybe she is jealous of your relationships with them. Maybe she feels insecure. Hear her out so you know what’s going on and maybe the two of you can figure out a way to stop the “Mean Girl” attitude. Let her know that you like being her friend, but the way she acts affects you.

Give her a chance to work it out. Hopefully she will decide to chill and everything turns out great. Remember, only she can control how she acts and she may not stop. This may be a habit she can’t or isn’t willing to break. If things don’t change you may have to spend less time with her. It is not healthy for you to be around that, and it’s not fair to your other friends.

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