Dear Hope: My Life Is A Mess.

Dear Hope,

I’m a 14 year old girl. My older brother (10 years older) had a massive problem with drugs and tore apart our family while abusing me. Luckily my younger sister was not affected. This year I gave up on trying to be happy and threw my life out the window and stopped caring about what happened to me. I did a few drugs, got involved with untrustworthy people, sent horrible pictures to older guys, broke my parents trust more than once. I’ve decided that I want to and need to change my life. I don’t exactly know how to change my life though. please help me! I need to gain my parents trust back, and I need to fix my life because it is a mess!!

–       Messy Life

Dear Messy Life,

You are very brave and strong, you should be proud of yourself.  It takes a lot of strength to go through what you have been through.  It’s great that you want to work towards having a better life, and I know you can do it.  You actually have already started. Your first step was making the choice to do it.   You also know what you don’t want in your life and probably have a good idea of how to avoid those things.

You have been through a lot and it takes time to heal so please have patience during this time.

Take some time to talk to your parents. (6 tips on talking to parents) You need to let them know how you have been feeling and why you have been acting the way you have.  If you are not comfortable you do not need to tell them all the details right now, but you should tell them your feelings. (But, if they don’t already what happened with your brother they need to know that.  That is something that needs to be dealt with. ) Let them know you have made some wrong choices and you understand why they don’t trust you right now. Sincerely tell them that you are going to do what it takes to earn their trust back.  They may not believe it now, but as time goes by, through you showing it, they will realize you mean it.  Ask them what they expect from you and how you can earn their trust back. Ask them to help you come up with a plan.  Let them know that handling this on your own has not been working and you need their help.

Don’t beat yourself up about the past.  What happened with your brother was not your choice or your fault.  Let the bad choices you made in the past stay in the past.  They do not define who you are. (Do you mistakes define you) If you start to feel guilty or bad about the past, put your thoughts to the life you are aiming to have. Focus on that.

Hang out with people that have a positive attitude and have similar interests to you. Try not to hang with friends that you know are doing the things you are trying to avoid, it only makes it harder on you.

Distract yourself with positive things when you are having a bad day.  Have fun, go to the movies, go have a spa day, just let go for a while and have a good time.

Spend time being comfortable with yourself.  Listen to music you love, journal, do art, do something you like.  Love on yourself a little.  It’s ok.  You matter and you are worth it.

 Talk to a counselor.  It might be a good idea to get some counseling.  You have been through a lot and it’s hard to deal with.  A counselor can help you work through things.

I’m so sorry you have been through this.  You are strong and you deserve a wonderful life, keep going after it.

YOU MATTER!  I believe in you.


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