Does your boyfriend/girlfriend support you, listen to you, and respect you?
I hope so. Those are three important signs that you are in a healthy relationship. There are plenty of ways to know you have a good relationship, but those are some of the big ones. If your situation is lacking those, you may be in an unhealthy relationship.
Are you in an unhealthy relationship?
What does an unhealthy relationship look like?
Can you answer yes to any of these questions?
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend make you feel guilty? Guilty for anything like the choices you make or hanging out with your friends or family?
Do you feel controlled? Who you hang out with? What you do? What you say? What you think? How you act? What you wear? How to spend your money? (Controlling does not mean they just make a suggestion, like “you would look cute in the color blue.” It’s when they are demanding and it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable.
Do they follow you around all the time, checking up on you or constantly watching you?
Does your boyfriend or girlfriend put you down or make fun of you?
Do they yell at you? In private or in front of your friends?
Do you find yourself making excuses for him/her? Explaining to your friends and family why he or she is not that bad? Telling them they just don’t understand?
If you have answered yes to any of these questions, you could be in an unhealthy relationship.
It would be helpful to talk to a friend, parent, school counselor or another adult you trust. They know you and they can also give you an outsider’s perspective. Try to be honest with yourself about what is really going on. Make sure you feel comfortable, safe and respected in this relationship.
Do they bully you or have they threatened you? Even once?
Have they ever gotten physical? Shoving, pushing, slapping, hitting – Even just a small push counts as getting physical.
Use the words “if you don’t do this, you don’t love me?” “If you don’t do these drugs…” If you don’t have sex with me…” If…
Have they ever forced you to have sex even when you say no, you don’t want to? Have they said you have to because you are in a relationship?
Have you tried breaking up with them, but they tell you that you can’t, that they won’t let you go?
If you have answered yes to any of these, with or without the top questions, you ARE in an unhealthy relationship.
It is not a relationship you should be in. Breaking up with someone like this can be hard. But it is important. It is important for you to stand up for yourself and say NO! I will not take this anymore! You have a right to be in relationship that makes you feel comfortable and safe.
No one should control you. He or she may say they love you, but they truly do not understand what that means. It is not healthy for either one of you.
It’s not uncommon for people to create or to be in unhealthy relationships if their parents were, or are, also. If you have seen your parents fight aggressively (not normal arguing or loud discussion), be disrespectful towards each other, or even be abusive, you might think its ok. It’s not ok and no one, not even your parents, should deal with it.
If you are in a situation like this and feel you have nowhere to turn here is a hotline you can call:
The National Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474
You deserve respect.
– NBL V –