Dear Hope: My Boyfriend Cheated

Dear Hope,

I found out a 3weeks ago that my boyfriend cheated on me for the first 7 months of our relationship +we have now been together for 2 years had I not known. I knew he had for a month+ he had with past girlfriends so after a year I cheated on him so he knew how it felt. We are now going through a rocky time after he’d been finally honest with me +I fill up with anger+ hate just thinking about him, but I’m like emotionally attached to him +I believe I do love him. Do I end it or try to work?

–          Betrayed 

Dear Betrayed

It can be very difficult to find out someone betrayed your trust.  I’m sorry you are going through this.  Relationships can survive after someone cheats, but it can be hard.

1         You have to be able to trust and be honest with each other.

If you are not being honest with each other there can always be doubt about what is going on.

2         You cannot continue to seek revenge.

I understand why you would be angry and want him to feel the same way but it still didn’t take the pain and ultimately didn’t solve anything.

3         You have to let it go.

If you hold on to it (“I fill up with anger”) it will always haunt you.  It will always be your first thought, your first reaction when he does anything wrong.  He will still make mistakes and still mess up (your both human), but if he is no longer cheating than you need to release that.

It sounds like you two need to sit down and talk openly and honestly.  Put everything out on the table and get your true feelings out.  If you still feel like you want to try to work on your relationship, give yourselves some time, keep working on trusting, and see how it goes.  If you are still feeling negative feelings towards him, then that is probably your gut telling you what to do.   You shouldn’t be with someone that you don’t feel great about.  Being emotionally attached should not be the reason you stay with him.  Be honest with each other, and most importantly, be honest with yourself about your feelings.  No matter what you decide, make sure it is the right decision for you.

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