Dear Hope: Hater

Dear Hope:

I hate my best friend’s boyfriend should I tell her? We have been friends since kindergarten, I know her better than anyone.  I don’t think her new bf is right for her.  I want to tell her but I’m afraid of losing our friendship.  What should I do?

      –  Hater

Dear Hater,

It can be hard having your friend date someone you don’t like, but you need to look at why you don’t like him.

Are you just missing her?  You might be feeling jealous if he is getting a lot of her time right now.

Does he just annoy you and he is not your type of guy?

If either of these fit you should try and make the best of it.  We all have our own reasons why we like someone.  If your friend likes him, you need to support her.  When she is busy with him, try hanging out with different friends or find other things to do.  Keeping busy can help you not feel lonely and you won’t be thinking about them.

If your friend starts spending all her time with him, gently bring up that you miss hanging out.

Is he treating her bad?  If he is hurting her or encouraging her to behave in a way that is negative then you need to talk to her.

Make sure that you are not just acting out of jealousy or it could break up your friendship.

Be careful with her feelings, she likes him and might think you are just trying to break them up.  Talk to her when it is just the two of you and you have time to really talk.  Explain your reasons, and listen to what she has to say.  Let her know that you support her and only want the best for her.  If she becomes angry, let her know you understand and you are still there for her.

If she believes he is a good guy, then try and give him another chance.  But if you know he is truly hurting her, explain to her that you cannot watch a friend get hurt.  If she says she will continue to date him and you just don’t understand, tell her that you will need to tell her parents or a teacher.  There is never a reason for a boyfriend to be emotionally or physically abusive.

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